I am expecting the Yankees will stumble into Tampa Bay tomorrow night (4/23) having been swept by the Red Sox and reeling after a very tough weekend. I don’t see much of a way around that.
They had their chance, they had their game in hand on Friday night, a game they win 9 out of 10 times, and a series of bad moves by Joe Torre and bad pitches by Mariano Rivera (with some horrid pitching by Luis Vizcaino thrown in for good measure) helped give it away. On Saturday the offense scored 5 runs off of previously untouchable Josh Beckett but watched as fresh-off-the-DL Jeff Karstens gave up 7. For those of you keeping score at home, that equals a loss.
Tonight, they have a kid, Chase Wright, a good looking young lefty who, prior to his start against the Indians earlier this week, had made two starts above the A Ball level in his life. Could Wright, who seems to have a little Al Leiter in him, go out there and pitch a beauty? Sure, but it is highly unlikely, and he will have to out pitch Dice-K, who will have a decided advantage over EVERY team he faces first time out because of the league’s lack of experience against him.
Tonight, they have a kid, Chase Wright, a good looking young lefty who, prior to his start against the Indians earlier this week, had made two starts above the A Ball level in his life. Could Wright, who seems to have a little Al Leiter in him, go out there and pitch a beauty? Sure, but it is highly unlikely, and he will have to out pitch Dice-K, who will have a decided advantage over EVERY team he faces first time out because of the league’s lack of experience against him.
I am saying tonight is a 6-3 loss.
That means three straight loses to the Yanks arch rival. That means panic. Get the giant tarps ready in NY, NJ, and CT tonight because a lot of people are going to be jumping off the highest building they can find.
But, trying to (literally) kill some time recently, I finished reading Dr. Phil’s Guide to getting over being swept by the Red Sox in April first edition and I am here to tell you that everything will be okay. You don’t have to believe me, I understand that. I am a shitty little blogger. But if you’re not going to believe me, you HAVE to believe Dr. Phil. It is a part of the contract we all sign to live in this country; we pay taxes, we know the words to God Bless America, we believe Oprah is, in fact, the second coming of Christ, and we do whatever Dr. Phil tells us to do. If you don’t like it make sure to read the fine print next time before picking a country.
So, let Dr. Phil help you through this time with some important tips.
(All Chapter Titles courtesy of Random Dr. Phil Quote’s Generator)
Chapter 2: You don’t need zilch to blame it on anybody but yourself
Mostly, this chapter dealt with Dr. Phil blaming his son, Oprah, global warming, bad Chinese food and nuclear technology on his failing television show, which seemed destined for cancellation once they decided to name the show Dr. Phil Live. That is sort of like naming your show Michael Jackson’s Children Hour and wondering why no one tuned in.
But he also dealt with the fact that the Yankees SHOULD have won the first game of the three game set. As stated before, the Yanks will take that scenario/situation any day of the week (and probably come out ahead). On this night, they gave one away, just like they stole one the day before from the Indians. Baseball has a funny way of doing that. You have an amazing comeback win, you are almost guaranteed to have a monumental collapse somewhere along the way. It is almost like baseball is the tax man. He adds up what you have made over the course of the year and then decided how much you owe the "man" in the end.
So the loss, while gut wrenching, shouldn’t take away from the fact that Andy Pettite looked great again, the bullpen (minus Luis Vizcaino) continued to impress, and the Yanks smacked one of the Red Sox’s big three (Curt Schilling) around like he was some sort of pathetic blogger living in his parents basement (oh wait, he is).
Chapter 12: You don’t need Catch Scratch Fever to punch a dogie.
This chapter seemed to contain a lot of pent up frustration over some dog Dr. Phil used to own who would pee on his carpet. So, after six intensive therapy sessions (all filmed for Dr. Phil’s webcast, which is shown Sunday nights at 11:30) with little progress, Dr. Phil punched the dog repeatedly in the head. Unfortunately, he later learned that his son and wife would take turns peeing on the carpet, just to watch that fat bastard have to get on his hands and knees and clean up urine. I think we can all agree they were doing the right thing.
He did, however, point out that the Yanks entered this week against Cleveland and Boston, two of the better teams in the league, with only ONE trusted starter (Pettite) going, and the Yanks lost that game. If they lose tonight, they will still have gone 3-3 with guys sustaining more injuries than Alec Baldwin’s daughter after not returning a phone call. If they were ever to win tonight, they would have gone 4-2 over that stretch with virtually the entire team spending time on the DL. Instead of a horrible, shocking, devastating lost weekend, this series, and the one before it, showed the Yanks have the guns to stay afloat, even when they are barely at half strength.
Chapter 28: You don’t need a sack of hammer to head butt a priest.
The subject matter of this chapter was pretty self explanatory. It was really more of a how-to guide than anything else. Surprisingly, while Dr. Phil makes a pretty compelling argument that you do not, indeed, need a sack of hammers to head butt a priest, he does seem to be fixated on the idea that a sack of rabid raccoons would be helpful. He also offers some helpful hints on where to find the raccoons and, if they are not rabid, how to piss them off enough to where they act like they are rabid (my suggestion would be to bring a recording of Dr. Phil’s voice with you, it seems to make most things want to kill).
But, towards the end, Dr. Phil does mention that the Yanks had no problem handling not only Schilling, but Beckett, whom they scored five runs against. They did that without Johnny Damon or Hideki Matsui. They did that without Jorge Posada. Beckett had been almost untouchable before Saturday, dominating teams and looking like the type of pitcher who could be in the Cy Young discussion in the near future. Beckett is someone the Yanks will see again, as is Schilling, but what are the chances the Red Sox are gonna see Jeff Karstens again? And if they do, chances are it won’t be right after a stint on the DL where he was rushed back to fill a needed role in the rotation.
I’m not saying the Red Sox beat the Yanks B-team by two on Saturday, but they did only beat the Yankee B-team by two on Saturday.
Chapter 68: You don’t need orange sherbert to fondle a donkey.
I have to admit, I was a little apprehensive about this chapter when I first read the title, but Dr. Phil always comes through in the clutch. The title is a little misleading. When Dr. Phil says orange sherbert he really means milk based sweets in general, and when he says donkey he really means any mild tempered farm animal, and when he says fondle he means, well, exactly that. Again, it might not make sense at first, but eventually it all begins to make sense (at least for people who live in Arkansas).
Now, I’ll grant you, Dr. Phil’s transition from talking about fondling farm animals with ice cream to talking about how early it is in the baseball season is not, exactly, well done, but he does make a very good point.
Look, baseball has just gotten started. The idea that ANY sweep, any lost series, is gonna kill a season or even kill a week of baseball is just absurd. I know, the Yanks and Sox is always a different story. This is THE rivalry. These games are usually played at a higher level. But baseball is a marathon (have you ever heard that before? Me neither, but Dr. Phil calls it a marathon constantly throughout the book. He strangely also refers to the donkey and sherbert episode as a marathon as well). You don’t award any trophies after the first mile of a 20 mile race. You don’t even mention the name of the leaders at that point.
Look at baseball right now. Baltimore is 11-7 and in second place in the AL East. Tim Wakefield leads the American League in ERA. Jimmy Rollins leads the National League in home runs. Jose Valverde of the Diamondbacks is leading the league in saves. Do you think ANY of those things will be the same in, say, a month? So why would the standings?
Every year baseball proves itself to be completely unpredictable. Minnesota was out of it after one month of the season last year and rattled off one of the great streaks of all time to not only get right back in the race but eventually overtake both the White Sox and Tigers to win the division. Philadelphia (starting out as great as ever again this year) was so bad GM Pat Gilick decided to get rid of Bobby Abreu and Cory Lidle, tried to trade Pat Burrel, and had essentially given up on the season. The Phillies found themselves in the playoff hunt up until the final week of the season in 2006.
In other words; IT IS ONLY APRIL 22ND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Yankees and the Red Sox have 16 more games against one another after tonight. They have more than 5 months of baseball still to play. They have a trading deadline to deal with. They have young talent in the minors that might play itself. They have injuries they may have to contend with. There is so much left to this story, even remotely getting excited about one series in Boston is beyond stupid.
That being said, if the Yanks don’t win tonight, if Chase Wright doesn’t pitch a gem and the Yanks don’t clobber Matsuzaka, I will never watch baseball again. Yankees Stadium should be burned to the ground, Derek Jeter traded to the Brewers for two player to be named later’s, Alex Rodriguez tarred and feathered on Broadway for ONLY hitting .400 in the series (that means he made an out 6 out of every 10 times up? Pathetic), and Brian Cashman should be deported. I’m just saying..............
No comments:
Post a Comment