Give me the reigns, Stern, cause I can save your shitty league

I’m back on the NBA baby.................starting next year.

Sorry, I am gonna have to take these playoffs off for the time being. Maybe, when Lebron versus the Pistons rolls around or the Mavs and the Spurs get together for a classic game, I’ll tune in, but starting next year I am gonna be captivated from the start. You hear that Spike Lee, I catching your damn fever and I ain’t taking no airborne to get rid of it.

That is, of course, after I save the NBA from being the NBGAY. Right now, the league is about as interesting as watching Oprah get a rectal exam. There are four teams that can win the finals. FOUR. Think about that for one second. Think about how crazy that really is.

In baseball, right now, how many teams would you say have a legit chance to win a World Series? Well, we might all fight about that one for a while, but it is pretty safe to say that there are more than four. Hell, you can make a case for four out of the five teams in the AL Central having decent chances to win a ring.

Football? No one knows. Worst to first is almost a yearly occurrence now a days. Is it out of the realm of possibility that, with an easier schedule and a good draft day, the Miami Dolphins or the Buffalo Bills couldn’t be major contenders next year? Stranger (mush stranger) things have happened.

But in the NBA, from the beginning of the season till now, there have only been four teams (the Mavs, the Suns, the Spurs and the Pistons) who could make a move towards a big ol’ silver basketball trophy at the end of the season. That is down from five teams, in my opinion, now that the Heat have been so banged up for so long I just can’t see them mounting any kind of legit run at the finals.

No, we have three teams in the West and one team in the East. In a playoff with 16 teams, we already know that 12 of them have no chance. Parity, baby. It hasn’t exactly caught on in the league that David Stern built.

So in the immortal words of the great leader and philosopher Gandhi, "some shit’s got to change, and got to change now."

So here are the ways that I, personally, am going to fix the NBA. Here are the moves that need to be made. Call me the father of the NBA from now on. Call this idea the Bobby Brown of sports ideas; it bitch slaps all other ideas down to the ground.

(Point of order: I don’t care as much about fairness or how contracts line up as much as getting the right people on the right teams. None of this will happen but all of it could happen and much of it should happen)

* Jason Kidd needs to get on a plane to L.A. now.

This almost happened right before the trade deadline, but the Lakers evidently balked at the idea of sending 7 footer Andrew Bynum in the deal for Kidd. That, my friends, is what those in the scientific community refer to as a fucking retarded decision.

Bynum looks like he is gonna be a good player in this league, possibly an Eddie Curry type of player with a little more of a rebounding edge. But that is his CEILING!! Let me repeat this; the best Bynum could ever hope to be would be a little better version of an overrated, somewhat soft 7 footer. That makes him valuable, but not that valuable. Plus, as much as Kwame Brown will always be remembered as the number one draft pick that went bust faster than a new Mili Vanili rap album, he is a physical, athletic, rebounding 7 footer who may not have the potential, at this point, that Bynum does, but he gives the Lakers every bit of what they need from a big man in the middle (when he is healthy). Bynum would have been the center piece of a deal that would have sent back a few other decent players to the Nets in exchange for Kidd.

Evidently the Lakers’ brass didn’t think about the prospect of Kidd and Kobe playing together for more than 2 seconds, because had they thought 3 seconds about it they would have come to the conclusion that Kidd would have immediately made the Lakers a legit contender to the other big three in the West. Kidd might be getting a little older but he is still one of the best point guards in the game, and he remains a pass first guard, always concerned about making everyone else better around him. Kidd wouldn’t be worried about Kobe scoring his 40 points. What he would be worried about, what he would be capable of is what Kobe has been completely incapable of; making everyone else better. Is there any doubt that, with the addition of Kidd, Lamar Odom would become a significantly better player? How about Luke Walton and his natural ability to pass the ball? Even Brown would be a better all around player. Kidd might average 9 points a game for the Lakers, but he would probably average 12 assists and 12 rebounds.

And he would also force the guards in the West, from Steve Nash to Tony Parker to Jason Terry, to expend an incredible amount of energy on the defensive side of the ball. Kidd to Kobe, up and down the court, would be one fun tandem to watch, and would make the Lakers a scary team again.

How about the Nets? Well, the Nets may be having a fire sale this year anyway. They may lose Vince Carter to gr$$ner pastures somewhere else, and may want to cut bait now on their big stars and nuture some younger players into the NBA, hoping they are on the verge of breaking out when the team makes their move to Brooklyn in the next few years. This year, this playoff spot, might be the pinnacle for the Nets for a long time. Why not start fresh now? Getting Bynum with a few other players for Kidd would give the Nets their future point guard in Marcus Williams, a star (potential) star player in Richard Jefferson, a versatile power forward in Josh Boone, and a very good prospect center in Bynum. It would also, with the subtraction of both Carter and Kidd, put them in a position where they could try and entice a star shooting guard/small forward (depending on where you play Jefferson) or put them in a position to struggle for a year and secure a good draft position to get a player who could help them down the road. They would also be aided by the fact that both Boone and Williams are ahead of the curve in terms of NBA maturity, Jefferson is already a proven player, and Bynum would already have three years of NBA experience in him. This one may actually happen.

*Kevin Garnett is feeling like he might be in a New York state of mind.

To quote Han Solo, "laugh it up, fuzzball."

I know Kevin "Anything you can do Isaiah Thomas I can do worse" McHale, GM of the Timberwolves, said this week that he would not trade KG, but that is easy to say on April 19 when your fan base wants to hear about a positive future, not your impending plans to trade away the only player they give a shit about.

What happens in the Timberwolves have another brutal draft? What happens if, by the end of June, KG is looking around realizing that "his" team has not improved at all. Here is my solemn plea to KG; PLEASE, PLEASE demand a trade!!!!! He is too good to be swallowed up by the Mchale machine of ineptitude for the rest of his career. This is not some aged old man who is just going to be shown the door in a year or two anyway. KG has a lot of years left. But those years need to be capitalized on right now.

So KG demands a trade, let’s say. Where does he go? Well, I don’t know where he will go, but where he should go would be NYC baby, the Big Apple. Seriously, there are a few MAJOR problems the NBA has right now, but two of the most glaring (the futility of the Knicks and the futility of KG) can simply be a case of killing two birds with one stone. KG is an athlete New York would completely embrace. He is loyal, fan friendly, eloquent, hard working, mostly humble, passionate about winning, and would have to be castrated on the court to even consider leaving it before a game is done. He has that Derek Jeter feel to him; play every minute hard, even if you are up or down by 20. He is also supremely talented.

KG is the best power forward in the game (my apologies Mr. Nowitski). He is one of the best defender in the game. He is one of the best rebounders in the game. He is incredibly savvy in knowing where to be and when. He is tenacious on the floor. And there is virtually nothing he can’t do on the offensive side of the ball. Think of this team: Stephon Marbury (who has made amends with KG and is so desperate to prove he is a winner would never try and upstage the big man again), Jamal Crawford, Renaldo Blackman (in case you missed it, Blackman is actually really good), KG, and Eddie Curry. Is it just me or do the Knicks go from no man’s land to Eastern Conference contenders in the blink of an eye.

What could the Knicks give up? Again, probably where all this falls apart, but how about Channing Frye, David Lee, Steve Francis (who you HAVE to believe still has a little Stevie Franchise left in him) and Quentin Richardson? That’s two good young players, one veteran player in Francis who could still potentially be a star, and one good veteran whose contract will expire after the 08-09 season. The Timberwolves are still very high on Randy Foye and would not be sacrificing their draft spot this year. Probably not gonna happen, but KG in New York would be fun times.

*Rudy Gay looking to be Merry in the city if lights.

This is more about Lebron than anything else. He needs that third scorer. He needs that athletic guy he can play run and gun with. He needs an up and coming versatile player to play with.

Gay was only a rookie this year and he didn’t explode on the scene, but he showed a lot of flashes of the type of player he can be. Will he ever be as good as the hype? Probably not, but in the right spot, with the right team, he can certainly tap into that talent a little more. For the season Gay averaged 10.5 points per game and 4.5 rebounds per. But a little closer analysis shows that when Gay played 30 minutes or more he averaged 14.7 points per game and just under 7 rebounds a game. A rookie giving you 15 and 7 every night while running up and down the floor like a deer? Can you imagine someone as gifted as Lebron playing with Gay, as the two run a track meet together, ally ooping and lobbing the ball left and right?

What would Memphis want back? Probably nothing of what the Cavs can offer, but how about Sasaha Pavlovic, a guy who looks like he could be the next Peja at shooting guard, Daniel Gibson, a good rookie point guard who could be a better fit for the Grizzlies than Damon Stadomire, and the expiring contract of Donyell Marshall? Probably wouldn’t be enough, but let’s say, for the sake of argument, that Memphis lands with the second pick in the draft. They are probably taking Kevin Durant. Durant plays the same position as Gay. Wouldn’t it be better to get a Pavlovic, a steady shooting guard, to pair with Durant than hanging on to a poor man’s version of him? It could happen.

With Gay at the small forward position, Lebron could move back to being a shooting guard or even the point guard, with Larry Hughes and he taking turns running the team. Drew Gooden has established himself as a perfect rough and tumble defender and rebounding power forward and the Zeke just keeps getting it done in the middle. Hughes, Lebron and Gay could be absolutely spectacular to watch run up and down the court together.

*Paul Gasol wants to ride on Space Mountain.

Paul Gasol is going to be traded, of that I have no question. The consensus was that the Bulls would make the move to get him, sacrificing some of their youngsters to acquire the power forward. But the Bulls have yet another gift from the Knicks this year in the draft, getting a lottery pick to choose from. Their need for a big man could easily be handled right there. In fact, if we are gonna play ESPN.com’s mock lottery (which has about as much meaning as a check made out by MC Hammer), you would see that the Bulls could acquire Georgetown center Roy Hibbert, who is probably destined to be just what the Bulls want, a big man with some nice moves who will clog up the middle and offer up a big body for the bigger players in the league to have to contend with (remember, Hibbert went toe to toe with Greg Oden in the Final Four this year and more than held his own).

Where would the perfect fit be for Gasol? Sing it with me folks: M.I.C.K.E.Y!!!!!! You know what that spells? It spells lots of money in the happiest place on earth.

The Magic secured the eighth spot this year but don’t let that fool you. They ain’t THAT good. Nelson and Howard, as mentioned above, are about as good a pair of young players in the league, but neither one is at the "I can take over a game" stage of their careers, especially Howard who is a bruising, bullying menace but doesn’t have the low post skills to be able to dominate offensively. Gasol would give them that low post scoring threat. It would give them a perfect compliment to Howard, who would be allowed to roam the middle, playing Shaq-esque ball, just dunking on people and muscling them to the ground. It would give Nelson another threat to get the rock to, and it would give the Magic a big time scorer who could drastically lessen any blow the team would sustain in the case of a Grant Hill season ender or a decision by the veteran to finally hang them up. Nelson, Hill, Bogans or JJ Redick (whichever one actually steps up), Gasol, Howard. In the East, that is a beast to contend with.

What would the Grizz want? Well, how about Darko Milicic, Hedo Turkolo and a draft pick or two? That isn’t that bad of a deal. Milicic finally began to come on at the end of this year and could be on the verge of showing the type of talent that got Larry Brown’s panties in a bunch. Turkolo is the perfect kind of professional, and that would give the Grizzlies yet another draft pick, one they could either hang on to or package. If the Grizzlies get Durant and trade Gay and Gasol, they could package A LOT of what they are getting back to pair the potential superstar with one or two better players. It gives Memphis a lot of options to play with.

With Gasol, it gives him a perfect place to play his type of game. His veteran leadership would help make this young team, a team already in the playoffs, an even bigger force to deal with. Think of what people would be saying about Orlando right now if, instead of Tony Battie being at power forward, you had Gasol? It would put Orlando in the best spot they’ve been in since Penny and Shaq were huggin buddies.

*Oh Canada, it sucks playing in your land, so we are gonna move back to the states.

There are a lot of people who think the NBA did a bad job moving the Grizzlies out of Vancouver a few years ago and into Memphis. But NO ONE was showing up to the games after a while. I don’t really know what the situation is in Toronto. I don’t know if the fans are passionate about sports up there or not, and it does seem Toronto (with the Blue Jays) are a town more amenable to the games of their southern cousin. Still, it seems like the NBA is forcing itself to keep a team in another country. The exchange rate, while not devastating any longer, is still pretty rough, the culture up there is one that literally worships hockey, and basketball doesn’t seem to be a good mix.

Okay, everything I just said is only half true. The truth is I live in Connecticut. I love this little state, and this state loves sports. It is about as passionate about sports as any other place in the USA. Think of CT as the alien bar in Star Wars (the original one, not the 2 hour "fuck you" fest Lucas gave all of us in recent years). There are sports fans of all types, from all over the place, mingling around, getting in trouble. And unlike other towns/states, Connecticut is basketball crazy. My alma mater, the University of Connecticut, is one of the best college basketball programs in the country, second only to the likes of Duke, Kentucky and UNC. The state is B-Ball mad, plain and simple. They love their basketball.

But unlike with baseball and football, where the fan base is evenly and passionately divided between the New York and Boston teams (and no one is transferring loyalties, even if it is a hometown team) there is little interest/loyalty to NBA teams in the surrounding areas. So moving an NBA team into Hartford wouldn’t be moving in on the sacred grounds of the Knicks or the Celtics, they would simply be making their stake on their own.

If the NBA can move a team to the borough of Brooklyn, why would a move to CT, where an ENTIRE state, plus parts of Massachuset and Vermont/New Hampshire, be a risky proposition? If the college basketball team can sell out every game they play, even exhibition games, you’re telling me NBA games wouldn’t be selling out?

I want the NBA in CT, and Toronto seems to be the best case scenario. I want Chris Bosh in my back yard. I want TJ Ford running the CT Whalers of the NBA. That’s what I want, and I don’t give a shit who has to suffer to make it happen. Toronto, you had your chance. Go spank yourself into oblivion over hockey. Give us back our NBA.

*Bill Russel Jr. Goes to Boston.

Let’s get something out of the way first. There is no way Greg Oden is 18 or 19 years old. No way. I’m sorry but I’ve always looked a little older for my age, something that came in handy in my early years in college when I was the appointed "dupe the packie cashier" man. But I am 29 year’s old now and Oden looks older than me. By A LOT. He doesn’t just have a full beard, it seems like he is fighting off some greys in there as well. He’s 7 feet tall and already filled out like a man. He is a basketball Frankenstein. It looks like he has been built from the parts of basketball players for the 1960's. I’m not even sure Oden isn’t a cyborg.

But whatever he is, he is a franchise center.

The Sports Guy Bill Simmons posted a youtube.com clip this week on ESPN.com showing what appears to be some interesting proof that the long talked about 1985 NBA Draft Conspiracy, to get the Knicks the first pick, has some merit. It is an interesting theory and an interesting video (why would anyone completely doubt that the NBA would do something like that? Getting the best college player on one of the most important NBA franchises in history? Where is the downside?). And the NBA needs to do something exactly like it this year.

The Celtics NEED Oden. They need him even more than Durant. Why? Because Oden is going to be a monster on the inside, making the C’s an instant playoff contender and a contender for a title for years to come. Look at the immediate impact players like Duncan and Shaq had. It wasn’t 7 or 8 years down the line, they were playing for titles almost right off the bat. Oden is already a defensive force. He is a monster. He can rebound, he can block shots, he is athletic, and his offensive game, hampered by inexperience and a broken right hand, will only improve. He has 25-20 written all over him.

What would that give the Celtics? It would give them a reason to keep Paul Pierce. It would give them the option of keeping Al Jefferson or moving him for some extra help. It would make all their younger players better. It would make the Celtics matter again.

How about this? How about the Celtics get Greg Oden. How about they keep Al Jefferson. They already have Paul Pierce. That would give them a starting five of Delonte West at point, Wally Szcerbiak at shooting guard, Paul Pierce at small forward, Al Jefferson at power forward and Greg Oden at center. That gives you THREE potential all stars at the small forward, power forward and center positions, with very good complimentary players at point and shooting guard. I already LOVE that team. I would already pay big bucks to see that team. I would already be printing Celtics playoff tickets.

David Stern needs to get on the ball, literally, here and make sure that this happens. If the Grizzlies and the Bobcats end up with the first and second picks in the draft, something is horribly, terribly wrong here. Screw being fair. How about having a viable league again. What is better for the league, Greg Oden blocking 7 shots a game for Memphis or Greg Oden having his number retired in Boston in 22 years? Come on people, this is just common sense.

A couple of other things that need to happen: Seattle needs to trade off Ray Allen and Rashad Lewis. Both of those guys are in KG territory; extremely gifted yet hopelessly swallowed up by a team going no where. If they move (which it appears they will) they better make a commitment to either build around those guys, and fast, or give them a chance to go somewhere better.

Michael Jordan needs to find a way to improve the Bobcats. Okafor and Raymond Felton are big time young players. Sean May is a nice looking player. Gerald Wallace is a God send but may very well be on his way out. They NEED some parts, and they have the opportunities. They have the type of cap room one only dreams of, they have another HIGH pick in a deep, deep draft, and they have made a commitment to get better for the fans. Okafor and Felton are exactly what you want to start a team, a talented big man and a talented point guard. Now, if they can find a way to get rid of The Stach (Adam Morrison) all would be good.

The 76ers are on the verge of being good again. You can just feel it. Andre Igudolo broke out of the shadow of A.I, and hasn’t looked back. Andre Miller is a solid point guard with a good nose for playing well in the big game. And Sam Dalembert isn’t flashy but he is a very serviceable big man. The 76ers need to draft well this summer, they need to explore the free agent market, and they need to restore some of the trust they have lost with their fans. Just like the Knicks and the Celtics, the league is better with a good team in Philly.