A moment of reflection

I just needed to write a very quick post about this past week. You see, my 77 year old grandmother passed away on Monday from gallbladder cancer. She had been struggling with the terrible disease for more than a year and the fight just became too much for her body. It has been an utterly gutwrenching week for my family as my grandmother was our patriarch. She was a larger than life character that filled whatever room she found herself in.

For me, I had a very special, unique relationship with my grandmother. She fawned over me for my entire life, taking me on as more than just a grandson but a favored child of her own. She was my greatest advocate and, because of her youthful personality and her outgoing approach to life, became my dear, dear friend. While my peers spoke of their grandparents in detached, impersonal ways, my grandmother was like a second mother to me. She was there for me all through my 29 years on this earth and there was scarcely a week of my life where I did not see or talk to her at some point.

Because of that the loss I feel now is real and pronounced. It is more than just the loss of the person, it is everything that person came to be in your life. My grandmother was my security blanket. I could go to her with problems or ideas, or simply go to her to feel safe and removed from the real problems I was facing in my life. She never judged me or doubted me. She would have done anything for me, at any time. She had unconditional love for me.

The comfort of her house is gone. She no longer lives there. It is no longer a place of warmth and peace, as it has been for me throughout my entire life. The traditions that centered around her are gone. Christmas eve will forever be changed. Thanksgiving Day will be different and probably more hallow. Family get togethers, always facilitated by her and her complete love of family, will become more sporadic and may even become nonexistent over time. The life that I had known is over, with a new one about to begin that I cannot see through the haze of grief.

This blog has been about sports and my passion for it. I won't bore you with another "at times like these sports seems so insignificant" columns, but it is true that life falls more into perspective now than it perhaps ever did before. I have had to try and deal with my own emotions and then be there for my family (mostly my mother) who has been devastated by this whole process.

I don't know if anyone ever reads this. I have always thought this blog was more about me writing to myself than anything else. But I needed to share this with someone, even if it is being shouted into thin air.

My grandmother is dead and my life, in the course of only a few days, is completely changed.